Abortion

This may be an exercise in futility, but could we have a serious talk about abortion? We seem to be so polarized right now that we cannot have a serious talk about much of anything. Closed minds on all sides simply defend their own positions and think the other side is not only wrong but are enemies out to destroy the country. Problems cannot be solved unless there is middle ground and the ability to reason together. Democracy cannot long exist in such a world of set minds who must win or else. This is especially true when it comes to abortion. Nothing is more divisive nor more heatedly discussed.

However, there are many issues we need to discuss and find solutions for before we abolish or even limit abortions. Such issues as what will happen to the unwanted babies or those born to parents in dysfunctional situations? A person blithely said, “They will be adopted.” My answer was yes, if they are pretty white babies born to drug free mothers. What about all of the others? What about the continuing welfare of these children? We seem totally interested in being sure they are born, but if the mother is on food stamps that opens another can of worms. We need a plan for the future of the children we demand be born.

Before I proceed, I need to make a few things clear: First, these are just my ideas presented as food for thought as each person makes up their own mind. Second, I am not a woman so there is no way that I can be as fully informed as I would like to be. Third, after sixty years as a pastoral counselor I have walked with folks on and through all sides of this issue and have some knowledge of the pain involved.

I wish there was never a need for an abortion and am willing to work toward that impossible end, but I do not want it to be made illegal. I do not want that because it does not begin to really deal with the problem and because I have lived through the time when it was illegal and saw the results of an effort to legislate morality that led to abortions in back alleys using coat hanger, women bleeding to death or experiencing trauma that haunted their lives. It is hard to get past having to go to a seedy hotel, there to be blindfolded and taken to another location for a crude procedure then brought back hours later still blindfolded. One can only imagine the impact of that on a sixteen-year-old child.

Matter of fact most clergy persons saw Roe vs. Wade as an act of benevolence. We saw things different then of course. The normal concept was that life began when the child could breathe on its own. We even had a text, the one that said God breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and man become a living soul. We did not have state governments thinking they could play God and decide life begins at conception. I guess a chicken is a chicken as soon as the hen is fertilized which means a chicken is a chicken before it is even an egg? If they keep going a wet dream will become involuntary manslaughter.

So, if law is not the answer what can be done?

I read a story so long ago I can’t remember the author. It told of a village nestled at the base of a huge cliff. The problem was that cars kept missing the curve at the top of the cliff and landing in the valley near the village. The villagers held a meeting to decide whether to build barriers on the cliff road or purchase an ambulance for the valley. They bought an ambulance, of course.

It seems to me that is what we are doing about abortion. Instead of trying to prevent unwanted pregnancies we are trying to close the barn door after the horse has already left.

May we talk about the guard rails on the cliff…Ways to greatly reduce the numbers of abortions? I recognize some will not be satisfied with just reducing and want to eliminate, but it has already been well proven that isn’t going to happen. May I suggest some steps?

First: It is a time for honesty. We need to examine ourselves and see if we are actually against abortion, or do we just want to punish people for having sex. If we are honest, we must admit that the church has spent far too much of its time and interest trying to control sex with no biblical basis for doing so. I spent my youth being told it was a sin to dance because I might have sexual thoughts. Telling a sixteen-year-old boy not to think about sex is the equivalent of telling him not to breathe.

Second: We need fully informed and totally honest sex education in our schools. Far too often the lessons are so vague they become someone almost saying something but not actually doing so. Students today have access to so much information and even more misinformation that our meager efforts to be safe and never offend anyone comes off as silly to them. Somebody needs to actually educate about this subject.

Third: Birth control should be readily available without shame or judgement. It is mind boggling to me that some of the most strident opponents of abortion are also the most strident opponents of birth control. You can’t have it both ways. Of course, most of the opposition to birth control is the fear that it encourages young people to have sex. They really don’t need any encouragement and once again we need to ask if we are against abortion or sex.

Fourth: The morning after pill. Of course, for those who think stopping the development of some mucus and sperm in a uterus is an abortion this will be a problem, but for the rest of us there should be dispensers in every public restroom making this available. I ate dinner with a pharmacist friend and his wife. For some reason the subject of abortion came up and I made a statement about the morning after pill. He said, “I refuse to stock them in my store.” When I asked him why, he said, “If a couple have sex and get into trouble that is on them and they do not deserve the relief.” His wife said, “Then you are not against abortion you are just against sex.”

Fifth: We need to make the giving up a child for adoption an honorable and an honored decision.

Years ago, New York was one of the first states to legalize abortion. Soon after they did so I received a call from a man asking if I knew anything about the requirements necessary to have an abortion in New York. I did not know but asked him why he needed to know. He said his wife was pregnant again and that she was saying she just could not go through pregnancy and another child. Mentally and physically she was just not able to do so. I asked how far along she was with the pregnancy and when he told me I informed him that no matter what the residency requirements were in New York, his wife was past the stage for an abortion. He kept saying “What can I do? She really can’t handle this?” I finally said, “Have you considered having the baby and placing it up for adoption?” He responded with anger saying, “What kind of people do you think we are?” So, I hope the day comes when finding a loving home for a child is not something we think would make us bad people.

So, this one guy does not want to abolish abortion, but I sure would like to help make it not necessary.

Before you write me off as a horrible person maybe it should be said that no one really knows how they actually stand against abortion and will not know until their sixteen-year-old daughter or granddaughter becomes pregnant out of wedlock.

I remember accompanying a young girl to tell her parents she was pregnant. Her father was one of the most vocal and aggressive advocates for making abortion illegal. As soon as the shock of hearing about his daughter wore off, he asked me if I knew of a safe place where his daughter could go. Those kinds of things make it all real.